Crab Bisque

I blame kennie if i end up eating steve cause i couldn’t have this on time…

As for me i guess i own Steve an apology for giving him a hard time. But i do what i had to do, cause I’m afraid of losing him. And as for him, you can see now. I undertstand the situation. He should trust me from the beginning. I’ve been through alot of shit in my life.. that is why i understand how Syafiq felt. Love you Sweets. =]

” You said he is a guy you’re helping but you never tell me who he is…“

Me Gawjust Princess.<3

I love you so much. I wanna kidnapped you. Than we can go do whatever we wants… but i must ask bf’s permission first. <.<

” So it started out with me and my pals hanging out at the new mall. Strangely it wasn’t packed as i hope it would be, so we went around a tour to look for stuff we can mess up with. We first came across some accesories store. It was huge, but we only went it to throw the clothes around and make a run for it. And on the way out, i manage to steal a bead-necklace. It’s something i want obsessively for a weird reason. -winks-

So after which we ended up in the swimming complex. Some guys were swimming at the surface, while i was at the back of the class, didn’t give a damn. So I’m guessing I’m in a swimming class. The instructor was busy with the boys, so i took a dive in and reach the pool floor and stay there. Amazingly i could hold my breath that long to maintain it. Then somehow later, i began to choke and i started to blow out blood. And my head started to feel like it’s been crushed. So i swim back up, struggling like a rookie. I didn’t manage to reach the surface and soon I’m even further into the pool. I coughed out blood and was in pain, the pain felt real. I was gasping for air. I was about to go on a silent state, when i see the guys trying to reach for me. It suddenly when blank.

I woke up standing next to the pool i’ve just experience death in, and immediately thought i have survived the ordeal… but it’s not even close. I went over to see who the guys were surrounding, and soon realised that the guy with blood droolin out of his mouth and his eyes wide open to the lifeless body was… me. It’s devastating.

“I’m dead? What’s gonna happen to me?”

I soon saw the bright light close to me. I guess it’s my calling. I walked in only to take a deep breath and soon enough…. i woke out only to realise it was a dream. “

When i told Steve about it, he laugh and said i got a very wild dream and shouldn’t be scared of it…

Scared? I like it. Somehow seeing me die is something i would love to see for myself.

“Alejandro by Lady Gaga…. it’ just sexually erotic.“

“ …today is just so unforgetably fantastic.“

“…it’s lies.”

 I was cleaning up my place today and i came across this 2 photographs in between a book.

The moment i saw it, i closed the door and just sat at the corner of the bed with my legs tugged close to my chest. I didn’t know i start crying, until a teardrop touches the surface of the photograph… then it came clear to me. It’s the memory of the past, which both of us has decided to forget and move on. We were always said to be “meant for one another”… that’s just bullshit. That’s the sort of excuse you get from a 60 yr old faggot who wanna fucked you in the ass. The time spent, the effort made… are just wasted. There’s no point thinking about it now, but somehow i just couldn’t forget it.

And somehow that reminded me of my childhood life… the life where I was inferior to other guys.

I still remember when i was 4 year old, some guy pinch me on the chest even though i struggle to protect myself. Soon other guys are doing it, and i left crying. Back home, i didn’t say a word. I was too scared. When i was older, prolly 12… i was being extorted by some bully in religious class, and was grabbed by the crotch. That wasn’t that bad, besides from the excruciating pain. Not that i did anything, but i was thrown to the sink full of water. Got me all wet, and i got to be sent home. My excuse was i wasted on myself, but you very well know that wasn’t true. And to think family members being a bully is ridiculous, well it isn’t. It’s traumatising. When i’m siting at the back seat of the car with my uncle alone, while my dad gone to get something, he take the advantage to touched me. First i though he was just messing around. But soon his hands shifted from my neck to my crotch. It felt really uncomfortable for me, but what did i do? I just keep quiet and let him do it. Stupid as it sounds, i actually did it. Ever since that day, i stay as far away from him as i can.

I don’t blame anyone for what happened, cause i know one day… something even more traumatising is gonna hit me. Prolly the last time you hear me as a virgin.

I don’t wanna tone down the mood due to my writings, but i need to express them out. It’s bothering my life, and i have to let it out so i can move on to greater and bigger things. With all these happening, i felt stronger as a person to go through another chapter of life. They say there is a reason why things happened… now i understand.

PS: I need a new shoe. =]

Now you could see everything… well if i felt like it.

He was all horny and ask whether we could hook up for a BJ. My first reaction was kinda like “waaa…?”. I mean not that I’m freaked out. I’m just shocked how desperate he was. He told me his age, we exchange photographs and talk more. He’s 15, but he already had sex with guys… while he’s still attached to his boyfriend. Then he offer me, as bad as he want me to be there with him, whether we can be bottoms for a guy he was gonna have sex with. As much as my wild dick wanted to, but i couldn’t. We barely knew each other.

But he ain’t all that bad… he ‘s cute.

“I wasnt really outdoors, but yeah. It was in a car, this guy in his 30′s and we were butt naked in the car. Sucking, kissing, licking, fucking. At a multi-storey carpark, top level at 3am… “

For a 15 year old rentboy, he sure has a fun journey…;P